i must admit that it has been an interesting couple of years for me when it comes to relationships, and yet i seem to find myself continuously going in circles. the one thing that has become most evident to me is that everyone (including me) loves to make excuses rather than find or actually have good reasons to do (or not do things).
it is so easy to blame other people for our own mistakes or short-comings. but easy doesn't make it right. i am shocked at how often we make excuses for our behavior or the behavior of others. "i'm sure he's just busy," "i have better things to do," "he treats me so different when it's just the two of us," etc. the list goes on and on. but the bottom line is that if you really stop and think about it you know the truth. it's usually that whatever it is you are making an excuse for was actually either a mistake or a case of mixed up priorities.
when will it end?! when will someone make me a priority and stop making excuses! i'm so tired of letting people off easy or making excuses for them and their behavior. we all need to take responsibility for our own actions. stop being selfish. start growing up.
"there is a difference between interest and commitment. when you are interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. when you are committed to something you accept to excuses, only results."
Monday, September 21, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
the "dunzo" state of mind
so as i find myself at somewhat of another "crossroads" as far as relationships go... i've had a new revelation. i wrote before about the "wonderwoman movement" and this is along the same lines... i'm so tired... and so done... living by a guys standards and on his terms. they don't always mean to do it, but somehow i always find myself wondering what i could do to make things work. and the truth is that the answer is NOTHING!
i have done all that i can. i have put myself out there. i have made my feelings known. i have been genuine and honest and flexible and giving... because i want to be and i pride myself on those things. but if i put all of that out there and you still aren't sure if you want to be with me... then i'm not waiting around. you can have all the time you want to figure it out, and i may or may not be available when you do. and in the meantime i will not be waiting in "limbo land" for the zillionth time... with yet another guy... i'll be living my life. setting my standards high.. and finding a guy who meets them and wants to be with me-whatever it takes! so if you aren't that guy then see you later alligator!!
i have done all that i can. i have put myself out there. i have made my feelings known. i have been genuine and honest and flexible and giving... because i want to be and i pride myself on those things. but if i put all of that out there and you still aren't sure if you want to be with me... then i'm not waiting around. you can have all the time you want to figure it out, and i may or may not be available when you do. and in the meantime i will not be waiting in "limbo land" for the zillionth time... with yet another guy... i'll be living my life. setting my standards high.. and finding a guy who meets them and wants to be with me-whatever it takes! so if you aren't that guy then see you later alligator!!
Friday, August 14, 2009
time heals all wounds
Ok girls.... It's that time. What time you ask? Time to cut the ties and leave that loser in your past. It won't be easy, it may actually suck for a little while... But good news it will get better.
I once thought that losing a guy that you cared about was the worst thing imaginable, and not to say it's the best thing, but it's definitely not the worst. It stings... You might have to delete his number or defriend him on facebook to keep yourself from the momentary temptations to stalk him... But you have to do what works for you. As long as he is in your life, the cycle will most likely continue. So bite the bullet and say goodbye because life can be much better when you aren't agonizing over the "what ifs" and "could have beens."
But the best news of all is that one day you wake up and realize that not only did life go on... But you are actually happy and healthy and your broken heart is healing. And there may or may not be a new guy in your life, but you realize that you are much better off then you were when you had to deal with all of his BS and selfishness. And the best part? You can finally spend some time doing what makes YOU happy, not someone else. So, relish in these moments. Spend some quality time finding yourself and remembering what it is that is important to you and what you really want out of life.. because in the end, that's all that really matters anyway. And finding a guy who wants those things can only happen when you are sure of them yourself!
I once thought that losing a guy that you cared about was the worst thing imaginable, and not to say it's the best thing, but it's definitely not the worst. It stings... You might have to delete his number or defriend him on facebook to keep yourself from the momentary temptations to stalk him... But you have to do what works for you. As long as he is in your life, the cycle will most likely continue. So bite the bullet and say goodbye because life can be much better when you aren't agonizing over the "what ifs" and "could have beens."
But the best news of all is that one day you wake up and realize that not only did life go on... But you are actually happy and healthy and your broken heart is healing. And there may or may not be a new guy in your life, but you realize that you are much better off then you were when you had to deal with all of his BS and selfishness. And the best part? You can finally spend some time doing what makes YOU happy, not someone else. So, relish in these moments. Spend some quality time finding yourself and remembering what it is that is important to you and what you really want out of life.. because in the end, that's all that really matters anyway. And finding a guy who wants those things can only happen when you are sure of them yourself!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
where does he rank?
so, as i always mention, all of my friends are going through some upsetting and concerning situations, to say the least. in the last two months, all of us have suffered several inappropriate, inconsiderate, and immature behaviors. and each time, i feel like they just get worse! that being said, i have decided to rank them from least to most offensive... and sadly, no matter where a guy a ranks on this list, if he's on... NOT OK!!!
Scenario 1: (We'll start out gentle, and not too shameful...) You have been dating a guy off-and-on for three years and things are going great. You are the best of friends, have so much in common, and you couldn't ask for a better relationship. Then one day, out of the blue, he voices that he doesn't think he ever wants to get married, and therefore you guys should break-up. You stay friends, talk all the time, wish things were different, but all-in-all he is respectful of you and your feelings, he just doesn't want to be with you. Not too terrible.
Scenario 2: You have been "hanging out" with a guy for almost 2 years, and you want to be more, but every time you bring it up, it leads to a huge argument. So, you think to yourself, ok, he doesn't want to be with me. But then, every time you try to distance yourself, or not talk to him, he makes a big deal and makes you feel bad. He does random nice things for you (so confusing!) and wants you as part of his life. But let's be honest... how selfish is that? He knows how you feel, he doesn't feel the same, and yet rather then man up and end it for good.. he strings you along and keeps you with just the right amount of hope to keep coming back. RUDE!
Scenario 3: Similar to scenario 2, you have been "hanging out" with a guys for roughly 2 years. He doesn't want a commitment, but assures you all along that if he did want one, he would be with you, but that he just isn't ready to settle down. This upsets you, but ultimately he treats you pretty good, you have a great connection, and no real cause for complaint. Then one day he starts to become distant, but it's pretty typical so you don't think much of it. Next thing you know, he is dating someone behind your back. What a slap in the face!! He strings you along all this time and then turns around and does exactly what he said he didn't want... with someone else. So what he really should have said the whole time was "I don't want to be in a relationship... with YOU!!!" HURTFUL!
Scenario 4: This one is a doozie... You have been in a committed, and fairly serious, relationship for over a year. Again, things are going along well, but he starts to become distant. When you confront him, at first he says that nothing is wrong. Then all of a sudden it's like world war 3. Every time you talk, it's an argument. Then, he has the nerve to tell you that he is being "tempted" by other women. Clearly, things start to go downhill, but when you confront him, he coldly ends things... ON THE PHONE!! CRUSHING! It gets worse though... in your broken-hearted state, you talk to him about getting your belongings back and he tells you he is going out of town, but will leave a key under the mat. I mean, really?? After a year you can't take 5 minutes to talk to me face-to-face and cordially give me back my belongings??! BULL SH*T!!
So, I guess the moral of the story is that whether there are red flags, or not, beware. Guys can be inconsiderate and hurtful and show no remorse for your feelings, no matter how great they may seem at first! If you see any of these warning signs, or worse yet, these heinous behaviors, my advice is, don't wait around to see how it pans out... because my guess is it's them moving on or leading you on, and you getting hurt... yet again!
Scenario 1: (We'll start out gentle, and not too shameful...) You have been dating a guy off-and-on for three years and things are going great. You are the best of friends, have so much in common, and you couldn't ask for a better relationship. Then one day, out of the blue, he voices that he doesn't think he ever wants to get married, and therefore you guys should break-up. You stay friends, talk all the time, wish things were different, but all-in-all he is respectful of you and your feelings, he just doesn't want to be with you. Not too terrible.
Scenario 2: You have been "hanging out" with a guy for almost 2 years, and you want to be more, but every time you bring it up, it leads to a huge argument. So, you think to yourself, ok, he doesn't want to be with me. But then, every time you try to distance yourself, or not talk to him, he makes a big deal and makes you feel bad. He does random nice things for you (so confusing!) and wants you as part of his life. But let's be honest... how selfish is that? He knows how you feel, he doesn't feel the same, and yet rather then man up and end it for good.. he strings you along and keeps you with just the right amount of hope to keep coming back. RUDE!
Scenario 3: Similar to scenario 2, you have been "hanging out" with a guys for roughly 2 years. He doesn't want a commitment, but assures you all along that if he did want one, he would be with you, but that he just isn't ready to settle down. This upsets you, but ultimately he treats you pretty good, you have a great connection, and no real cause for complaint. Then one day he starts to become distant, but it's pretty typical so you don't think much of it. Next thing you know, he is dating someone behind your back. What a slap in the face!! He strings you along all this time and then turns around and does exactly what he said he didn't want... with someone else. So what he really should have said the whole time was "I don't want to be in a relationship... with YOU!!!" HURTFUL!
Scenario 4: This one is a doozie... You have been in a committed, and fairly serious, relationship for over a year. Again, things are going along well, but he starts to become distant. When you confront him, at first he says that nothing is wrong. Then all of a sudden it's like world war 3. Every time you talk, it's an argument. Then, he has the nerve to tell you that he is being "tempted" by other women. Clearly, things start to go downhill, but when you confront him, he coldly ends things... ON THE PHONE!! CRUSHING! It gets worse though... in your broken-hearted state, you talk to him about getting your belongings back and he tells you he is going out of town, but will leave a key under the mat. I mean, really?? After a year you can't take 5 minutes to talk to me face-to-face and cordially give me back my belongings??! BULL SH*T!!
So, I guess the moral of the story is that whether there are red flags, or not, beware. Guys can be inconsiderate and hurtful and show no remorse for your feelings, no matter how great they may seem at first! If you see any of these warning signs, or worse yet, these heinous behaviors, my advice is, don't wait around to see how it pans out... because my guess is it's them moving on or leading you on, and you getting hurt... yet again!
Monday, July 6, 2009
what is wrong with monogamy?
after a combination of events that have happened to my friends, the LOSER (Wes) leaving the bachelorette, and now even the topic of an episode of sex and the city that relate to monogamy, i am about to lose it!
since when is being in a committed relationship such a terrible thing? men and women have been doing it for centuries and they have all survived, so why the sudden resistance? what kind of trend is the 21st century setting? one that i, personally, am not at all a fan of. you meet a great girl. you commit. if you feel the need to wander, you end it and don't lead her on. if you care about someone don't break their heart and then make excuses. and please don't pull the "i care about you, which is why i want the best for you, " BS. all that means is i want to see what else is out there and i don't want to see you cry or hear you yell.
also, backpeddaling is not allowed. you can't go backwards in a relationship. there is no pause button (while i check out what else is out there or figure things out, and then resume when i feel like it). while men may be able to suddenly detach emotions and physical relationships, women have a much harder time. so this "friends with benefits" situation that you see potentially happening in lieu of your break-up... don't even think about it.
there is no maybe or in between. be with me or don't. break my heart or don't. but please don't make me walk the thin line between confusion/crying/hating myself tomorrow. it's the least you could do if you can't commit!!
since when is being in a committed relationship such a terrible thing? men and women have been doing it for centuries and they have all survived, so why the sudden resistance? what kind of trend is the 21st century setting? one that i, personally, am not at all a fan of. you meet a great girl. you commit. if you feel the need to wander, you end it and don't lead her on. if you care about someone don't break their heart and then make excuses. and please don't pull the "i care about you, which is why i want the best for you, " BS. all that means is i want to see what else is out there and i don't want to see you cry or hear you yell.
also, backpeddaling is not allowed. you can't go backwards in a relationship. there is no pause button (while i check out what else is out there or figure things out, and then resume when i feel like it). while men may be able to suddenly detach emotions and physical relationships, women have a much harder time. so this "friends with benefits" situation that you see potentially happening in lieu of your break-up... don't even think about it.
there is no maybe or in between. be with me or don't. break my heart or don't. but please don't make me walk the thin line between confusion/crying/hating myself tomorrow. it's the least you could do if you can't commit!!
Friday, July 3, 2009
i'm a big girl now
so the past few weeks have been pretty trying and frustrating. i have been through a roller coaster of emotions and dealt with things that i never thought would happen. but, i'm happy to report that i came out on top. i am proud of myself for keeping my cool and dealing with potential dramatic situations in a mature way. it definitely isn't easy, but i figure if i can be the bigger person and handle things with dignity, then i can never look back with regrets. and no guy can ever say that i was a "crazy biatch."
so while most girls (me included in the past) dye or cut their hair when they go through drama with a guy... i re-decorated my apartment instead. if you are ever upset, i highly suggest taking your aggression out by painting a wall. it's very therapeutic! my apartment was desperate for a face lift anyway, since i have lived there for half of a year and not really moved in. and it is amazing how much better i feel now that it is somewhat decorated and put-together. now it's not just an apartment, it feels more like home. and i feel more like a grown-up. and i feel like making that change is helping me to move forward with my life in general!
so while most girls (me included in the past) dye or cut their hair when they go through drama with a guy... i re-decorated my apartment instead. if you are ever upset, i highly suggest taking your aggression out by painting a wall. it's very therapeutic! my apartment was desperate for a face lift anyway, since i have lived there for half of a year and not really moved in. and it is amazing how much better i feel now that it is somewhat decorated and put-together. now it's not just an apartment, it feels more like home. and i feel more like a grown-up. and i feel like making that change is helping me to move forward with my life in general!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
i love to laugh
man, what a weekend! dinner and movies, pool party, birthday party, salsa dancing until 5am, and ending it with good old fashion quality time with the girls! life is good! we have all heard the saying "laughter is the best medicine," and i know this is true. after laughing so hard we cried all night i just got to thinking about how blessed i really am. i seriously have the best friends ever. it is amazing how you can only know someone for a short amount of time and they can become such a great friend. i have been so fortunate that regardless of everything else that has happened to me, my path has led me to meeting such great girlfriends!
if you are ever having a bad day, i suggest that you gather up your friends and tell a few embarrassing stories because not only will it bring you a lot closer by learning about each other, but you'll also have a great time laughing at and with each other and realize how great girl talk is!
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