the blame game

i must admit that it has been an interesting couple of years for me when it comes to relationships, and yet i seem to find myself continuously going in circles. the one thing that has become most evident to me is that everyone (including me) loves to make excuses rather than find or actually have good reasons to do (or not do things).

it is so easy to blame other people for our own mistakes or short-comings. but easy doesn't make it right. i am shocked at how often we make excuses for our behavior or the behavior of others. "i'm sure he's just busy," "i have better things to do," "he treats me so different when it's just the two of us," etc. the list goes on and on. but the bottom line is that if you really stop and think about it you know the truth. it's usually that whatever it is you are making an excuse for was actually either a mistake or a case of mixed up priorities.

when will it end?! when will someone make me a priority and stop making excuses! i'm so tired of letting people off easy or making excuses for them and their behavior. we all need to take responsibility for our own actions. stop being selfish. start growing up.

"there is a difference between interest and commitment. when you are interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. when you are committed to something you accept to excuses, only results."

the "dunzo" state of mind

so as i find myself at somewhat of another "crossroads" as far as relationships go... i've had a new revelation. i wrote before about the "wonderwoman movement" and this is along the same lines... i'm so tired... and so done... living by a guys standards and on his terms. they don't always mean to do it, but somehow i always find myself wondering what i could do to make things work. and the truth is that the answer is NOTHING!

i have done all that i can. i have put myself out there. i have made my feelings known. i have been genuine and honest and flexible and giving... because i want to be and i pride myself on those things. but if i put all of that out there and you still aren't sure if you want to be with me... then i'm not waiting around. you can have all the time you want to figure it out, and i may or may not be available when you do. and in the meantime i will not be waiting in "limbo land" for the zillionth time... with yet another guy... i'll be living my life. setting my standards high.. and finding a guy who meets them and wants to be with me-whatever it takes! so if you aren't that guy then see you later alligator!!

time heals all wounds

Ok girls.... It's that time. What time you ask? Time to cut the ties and leave that loser in your past. It won't be easy, it may actually suck for a little while... But good news it will get better.

I once thought that losing a guy that you cared about was the worst thing imaginable, and not to say it's the best thing, but it's definitely not the worst. It stings... You might have to delete his number or defriend him on facebook to keep yourself from the momentary temptations to stalk him... But you have to do what works for you. As long as he is in your life, the cycle will most likely continue. So bite the bullet and say goodbye because life can be much better when you aren't agonizing over the "what ifs" and "could have beens."

But the best news of all is that one day you wake up and realize that not only did life go on... But you are actually happy and healthy and your broken heart is healing. And there may or may not be a new guy in your life, but you realize that you are much better off then you were when you had to deal with all of his BS and selfishness. And the best part? You can finally spend some time doing what makes YOU happy, not someone else. So, relish in these moments. Spend some quality time finding yourself and remembering what it is that is important to you and what you really want out of life.. because in the end, that's all that really matters anyway. And finding a guy who wants those things can only happen when you are sure of them yourself!

where does he rank?

so, as i always mention, all of my friends are going through some upsetting and concerning situations, to say the least. in the last two months, all of us have suffered several inappropriate, inconsiderate, and immature behaviors. and each time, i feel like they just get worse! that being said, i have decided to rank them from least to most offensive... and sadly, no matter where a guy a ranks on this list, if he's on... NOT OK!!!

Scenario 1: (We'll start out gentle, and not too shameful...) You have been dating a guy off-and-on for three years and things are going great. You are the best of friends, have so much in common, and you couldn't ask for a better relationship. Then one day, out of the blue, he voices that he doesn't think he ever wants to get married, and therefore you guys should break-up. You stay friends, talk all the time, wish things were different, but all-in-all he is respectful of you and your feelings, he just doesn't want to be with you. Not too terrible.

Scenario 2: You have been "hanging out" with a guy for almost 2 years, and you want to be more, but every time you bring it up, it leads to a huge argument. So, you think to yourself, ok, he doesn't want to be with me. But then, every time you try to distance yourself, or not talk to him, he makes a big deal and makes you feel bad. He does random nice things for you (so confusing!) and wants you as part of his life. But let's be honest... how selfish is that? He knows how you feel, he doesn't feel the same, and yet rather then man up and end it for good.. he strings you along and keeps you with just the right amount of hope to keep coming back. RUDE!

Scenario 3: Similar to scenario 2, you have been "hanging out" with a guys for roughly 2 years. He doesn't want a commitment, but assures you all along that if he did want one, he would be with you, but that he just isn't ready to settle down. This upsets you, but ultimately he treats you pretty good, you have a great connection, and no real cause for complaint. Then one day he starts to become distant, but it's pretty typical so you don't think much of it. Next thing you know, he is dating someone behind your back. What a slap in the face!! He strings you along all this time and then turns around and does exactly what he said he didn't want... with someone else. So what he really should have said the whole time was "I don't want to be in a relationship... with YOU!!!" HURTFUL!

Scenario 4: This one is a doozie... You have been in a committed, and fairly serious, relationship for over a year. Again, things are going along well, but he starts to become distant. When you confront him, at first he says that nothing is wrong. Then all of a sudden it's like world war 3. Every time you talk, it's an argument. Then, he has the nerve to tell you that he is being "tempted" by other women. Clearly, things start to go downhill, but when you confront him, he coldly ends things... ON THE PHONE!! CRUSHING! It gets worse though... in your broken-hearted state, you talk to him about getting your belongings back and he tells you he is going out of town, but will leave a key under the mat. I mean, really?? After a year you can't take 5 minutes to talk to me face-to-face and cordially give me back my belongings??! BULL SH*T!!

So, I guess the moral of the story is that whether there are red flags, or not, beware. Guys can be inconsiderate and hurtful and show no remorse for your feelings, no matter how great they may seem at first! If you see any of these warning signs, or worse yet, these heinous behaviors, my advice is, don't wait around to see how it pans out... because my guess is it's them moving on or leading you on, and you getting hurt... yet again!

what is wrong with monogamy?

after a combination of events that have happened to my friends, the LOSER (Wes) leaving the bachelorette, and now even the topic of an episode of sex and the city that relate to monogamy, i am about to lose it!

since when is being in a committed relationship such a terrible thing? men and women have been doing it for centuries and they have all survived, so why the sudden resistance? what kind of trend is the 21st century setting? one that i, personally, am not at all a fan of. you meet a great girl. you commit. if you feel the need to wander, you end it and don't lead her on. if you care about someone don't break their heart and then make excuses. and please don't pull the "i care about you, which is why i want the best for you, " BS. all that means is i want to see what else is out there and i don't want to see you cry or hear you yell.

also, backpeddaling is not allowed. you can't go backwards in a relationship. there is no pause button (while i check out what else is out there or figure things out, and then resume when i feel like it). while men may be able to suddenly detach emotions and physical relationships, women have a much harder time. so this "friends with benefits" situation that you see potentially happening in lieu of your break-up... don't even think about it.

there is no maybe or in between. be with me or don't. break my heart or don't. but please don't make me walk the thin line between confusion/crying/hating myself tomorrow. it's the least you could do if you can't commit!!

i'm a big girl now

so the past few weeks have been pretty trying and frustrating. i have been through a roller coaster of emotions and dealt with things that i never thought would happen. but, i'm happy to report that i came out on top. i am proud of myself for keeping my cool and dealing with potential dramatic situations in a mature way. it definitely isn't easy, but i figure if i can be the bigger person and handle things with dignity, then i can never look back with regrets. and no guy can ever say that i was a "crazy biatch."

so while most girls (me included in the past) dye or cut their hair when they go through drama with a guy... i re-decorated my apartment instead. if you are ever upset, i highly suggest taking your aggression out by painting a wall. it's very therapeutic! my apartment was desperate for a face lift anyway, since i have lived there for half of a year and not really moved in. and it is amazing how much better i feel now that it is somewhat decorated and put-together. now it's not just an apartment, it feels more like home. and i feel more like a grown-up. and i feel like making that change is helping me to move forward with my life in general!

i love to laugh

man, what a weekend! dinner and movies, pool party, birthday party, salsa dancing until 5am, and ending it with good old fashion quality time with the girls! life is good! we have all heard the saying "laughter is the best medicine," and i know this is true. after laughing so hard we cried all night i just got to thinking about how blessed i really am. i seriously have the best friends ever. it is amazing how you can only know someone for a short amount of time and they can become such a great friend. i have been so fortunate that regardless of everything else that has happened to me, my path has led me to meeting such great girlfriends!

if you are ever having a bad day, i suggest that you gather up your friends and tell a few embarrassing stories because not only will it bring you a lot closer by learning about each other, but you'll also have a great time laughing at and with each other and realize how great girl talk is!

i think you're confused

what is it about guys and being immature? i really just can't understand it. let's say, for example, that i am throwing a party for my friends' birthdays and it's not my party, but i invite you on their behalf, then you somehow feel the need to not only not come, but to remove yourself from the invite list!? what is that about? are we 5? are we not friends anymore because i won't talk to you? regardless, this actually isn't about you and me it's about 3 other people, 2 of which came to your birthday party, and you can't even show the same respect?

and you must be really confused, because last time i checked, i'm the one that had a right to be mad at you, not the other way around. just because for once i'm not calling you or trying to get you back, doesn't mean that you need to act like a baby! i have done NOTHING to you, and yet you want to get a reaction out of me and make me feel like i am somehow in the wrong and you are just "too cool." which is sad because now i know that not only were we not really even friends during the past several years of ups and downs, but now i also get to see where your priorities are and that you aren't the person i thought you were at all!!

so guys, if a girl doesn't talk to you because she is fed up with the same old BS, please don't act so butt-hurt that you make decisions like these. because all it says to the girl is that you are immature. if the situation were reversed, i would be there will bells on to celebrate a friend's birthday, regardless of who was throwing the party or attending. granted, i obviously did take the time to notice, and it elicited a response, but this is my 5 minutes of venting, and you have a lifetime to regret your poor decisions!

"it's easy to fill the heart of thirsty woman..."

"... and harder to kill the ghost of a no-good man."- miranda lambert

i was re-reading over my recent blog posts and i got to thinking about how terrible it must look to someone who doesn't know me and stumbled across this. i come across as a man-hating, jaded, feminist, which in all reality is not the case at all. i am just a girl who grew up waiting for my prince charming and has found that in recent years, such a "prince" is not so easy to come by. my mom always told me that i "had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince," but i have done my fair share of that and i'm just tired of it. i know i'm not alone in this and i'm not saying that i'm some perfect woman that every man should want. but i am a caring person, who is adventurous, and keeps her heart on her sleeve. it is just annoying to keep putting myself out there and get involved in "not ideal" (to put it nicely) situations repeatedly. i started writing, and continue writing, this blog completely for fun. my girlfriends and i have a great time talking about things we go through and then i use this as a way to vent about the indiscretions of the men in our lives.

i know i rip a lot on men and drinking, but the truth is, i'm a fun-loving girl. i love to party. i've sent a few drunk texts in my day. i've sipped a few too many cocktails. but through all that, i can still say that i have always treated the people in my life the way that i would want to be treated in return, and not always had the guts to stand up for myself. so i talk a big game in my writing to make-up for the non-confrontational person that i usually am in reality when it comes to my personal life.

i heard this great quote last night on the bachelorette: "Burgundy makes you think of silly thoughts. Bordeaux makes you talk about them. Champagne makes you do them!" so from here on out, here's to a little less thinking/talking... and a lot more doing! champagne, anyone?!

do they ever grow up!?

so after the past few days of seeing/hearing about/experiencing extremely inappropriate behaviors by supposedly "grown" men, i began to ponder the idea of at what age men actually outgrow these actions! these are a few things i observed over the past weekend:

-a guy dropping his pants and waddling around the bar in his boxers with his pants around his ankles
-a guy that was extremely drunk and attempting to grope every girl that walked by
-a guy using the phrase "we're gonna rip a bong"
-a guy telling a girl that he didn't have a girlfriend... mere minutes after putting his girlfriend in a cab home
-a guy sticking his tongue (literally) down his girlfriend's throat while at the pool in the middle of the day, and in front of a large group of people

if all this happened in one weekend and i was aware of it all then i can only imagine what happens over the span of a month, or a year, or heaven forbid a whole lifetime. but at what age do these behaviors become unacceptable?? my mom has always told me that men never change, so i shouldn't get my hopes up that they will ever fully grow up. but would it really be too much to ask that they at least learned some manners or left certain behaviors to high school and college-aged boys and acted like actual men? i know that women have their faults, and i'm sure at times act immature or inappropriate, but as a whole i think we tend to control ourselves and act in ways that reflect our "age and not our shoe size" as the saying goes.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T... at least pretend to show some to me!!

ok... here's the thing.. i'm well aware that i have boobs and legs, but believe it or not guys, i also have ears, eyes, and a heart. so please try to show just a little bit of respect for me when i'm around. this means not talking about, or to, the new girl you're seeing loud enough for me to hear when we are 2 people away from each other at the table! i get it, you found someone else to string along and i'm sure she feels just like i did in the beginning. you make her think she's special. but when you give her the impression that you want to meet her parents.. and then you hang up the phone with her and say something along the lines of "f* that! i'm not meeting her parents. i don't want to get married 'till i'm 35 or 40. i just need to find a girl to wait around for 15 years." you may think you're cool in front of your friends, but all i think is you're an arrogant jerk. so please stop trying to get a reaction out of me because i refuse to let you know that you have any affect on me. that being said, i do have feelings and while you feel the need to try to rub it in my face when we're in public or post cute "couple" pics on facebook, i only think you're trying too hard. i'm moving on too. i'm doing fun things, and yet you don't hear me talking about it in front you. obviously you don't even care enough about me to be considerate, but just know that the next time you try to rub something in my face i really may just dump my beer on your head and walk out!!

that's clearly my own personal soapbox, but let's be honest we've all had an awkward moment with someone we were formerly involved with. whether it's hanging out with mutual friends or running into them unexpectedly, we have to deal with various situations and it's definitely not always easy. especially when he's moved on. the thing is though, isn't your life actually better without him? i mean if he couldn't appreciate you and treat you right, then he probably hasn't changed. and the next girl (as great as she may be) is very likely just a new version of you. so as upsetting as it may be. take a step back and re-evaluate because who is he to control your emotions? so whether you order another cocktail and tear up the dance floor with friends or grab a bottle of wine and vent... CHEERS!! "to the losers who've lost us, the men that have won us, and the lucky bastards that have yet to meet us!!"

nice guys finish last

where did this phrase come from? and why is it that only supposed "nice guys" say it? i've always thought myself to be attracted to "nice guys" or at least guys that treat me well. but why is it that there is something attractive about the chase or someone that you might want to try to change? almost as though we enjoy torturing ourselves. i mean, what is the point of chasing a guy, when for most of us the second he returns the interest we're over it? and let's face it, no guy is going to completely change for us, so why do we insist on trying to make ourselves think that maybe they will.

the better part is that when i actually meet a "nice" guy that has all of the qualities i could ask for, i become skeptical. i look for flaws because finding a guy that is actually nice, smart, funny, and would want to be with me seems too good to be true. it's such crazy logic. but after years of chasing and hoping for change, i think i might finally be ready to meet a nice guy and take him for what he is and be happy with it! i mean it would have to be better than the alternative right?!

"why guys dump girls they dig"

so, sometimes when i am writing i feel like i am alone in my way of thinking. or that maybe it is just something that my friends and i have in common. but today, i was reading this article on msn called "why guys dump girls they dig" and not only did i find it fascinating, but it also seems to go along with a lot of the things i already think, plus a few new ones.

the article gives 5 reasons that guys dump girls that they are really into, seemingly without warning and for no apparent reason (to the girl):
1. the timing is off
so understandable. we have all been there. you are in a great relationship or meet someone that you are totally compatable with, but one of you is just not at the right time in your life to make a commitment.

2. they're not done playing the field
lame! i don't care how many girlfriends you have had or how many flings, but when you meet a great girl and pass her up because you want to see what else is out there... i say don't bother coming back when you're done because i won't be here. but hey, if that's the case, don't lead me on! say "i'm still looking to be a male whore for a while, but it was nice meeting you!" and don't waste my time!

3. they're fixated on the the worst-case scenario
aren't we all? isn't the fear of failure or rejection a big one for everyone? but let's be honest, if we always focus on how badly something could end, we would never take risks, and we would miss out on some really great things in life! so while i understand the hesitation, i don't accept it as a reason not to be with someone!

4. they're in like, not love
again, understandable. we wouldn't want to lead you on, and we expect the same in return, but let me just make one side note. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT TELLING ME YOU LOVE ME IF YOU DON'T!!! if we're not in love or not in the same place that is fine. but if you tell me you love me, i assume you mean it. so when you tell me you love me and then break-up with me because you only like me, i say "you're a liar. how dare you? there's the door!"

5. they're TOO into you
what you meant to say is: we have the power. you are in a relationship with a girl that captivates you and you would do anything for and it scares the crap out of you because you don't want to be the one that gets hurt. but maybe instead of breaking up with that girl, you should try to live with it and man-up and accept that maybe having a strong woman that you are crazy about might not actually be the worst thing in the world!

and 4 signs he is getting ready to bail:
1. his phone is always off
aka. RUN! we live in a generation of mobile technology. even the busiest guy probably has his cell phone within reach at most times. so if he's not making himself available to be reached, he's definitely not going to be making himself available to much of anything else!

2. he's reluctant to make plans
don't even get me started on this one. i never knew (until recently) that fear of commitment meant literally a fear to commit to ANYTHING. to even make plans 2 days in advance with a large group of people, not just me. let me tell you, big red flag! if he doesn't want to make plans for next weekend, then he is definitely not going to be willing to plan a future with you, and nothing you can do will change that. he has to reach a point where he is ready... and chances are it won't be anytime soon!

3. he's meaner
why put up with that? if a guy is mean to you at all (and i'm not talking about snapping at you after a bad day at work) get out! life is too short! you may care about him deeply, but if he's mean now, or getting meaner, what kind of life is that? i promise there is someone better out there for you!

4. he's not into sex
every guy is different. but if a guy who usually is very physically intimate with you suddenly doesn't even have a desire, i think it's safe to say it's not a good sign.


So, the next time you get dumped "out of the blue" remember that it is probably not your fault. beware of red flags and don't be too proud or emotional to admit when it's time to cut and run. again, any guy that is worth being with will find a way to make things work with you!

source: http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlecosmomatch.aspx?cp-documentid=19563905&page=2

the man-haters

as my girlfriends and i got together for lunch today to recap another fun night out, we got on the subject of man-hating. it got me thinking a lot about men and their behavior. once again, i'm not saying every man doesn't know how to treat a woman, i'm just saying i think men don't always think about how their actions will affect the women in their lives. when there is a table of 5 fun, beautiful, smart women (and yes i'm a little biased cuz i have great friends) who can all rattle off a list of reasons why they "hate" a specific man, then there is a problem. so, just in case you're a guy and you're reading this, let me give you a few pointers on some do's and don'ts.

DO have the balls to be honest
DON'T tiptoe around our feelings just because you are afraid of our emotions or reactions
DO call and give us an update on what you're up to
DON'T use drinking as either an excuse for not calling or a reason for calling
DO realize how great the girl in your life is
DON'T forget to remind her that you think she is great every once in a while
DO remind us what a great guy you are by acting like it
DON'T ever treat us in a way that your mother wouldn't approve of

i'm sure men have been upsetting women for centuries and this isn't news to anyone. but sometimes i really just want to shake guys and say "what the heck were you thinking?!?!" i don't care how old you are. there is no excuse! women aren't perfect and we are well aware of that, but i think it's safe to say that most of us are very considerate and think about the consequences of our actions and even how they will affect you. so rather than making women everywhere designate countless conversations to their man-hating ways, why not turn over a new leaf and make us sing your praises by acting more like a man and less like an irresponsible and naive little boy?

spring break '09

i'm all for pool parties. in fact i love them. sun, friends, beer, burgers. what's not to love? but when i show up to an apartment pool party and there are 50 guys (all talking to each other) and a collective 150 tattoos i realize i'm not at just any pool party... i'm at a dallas douchebag gathering! trash can punch (while still delicious) should probably not be made over the age of 22. and when every girl that is interacting with you has fake boobs and is wearing a vegas-style bathing suit, i immediately know you're of a certain breed and have no interest in talking to you. true, this is judgmental, and i apologize to anyone that gets lumped in this category unfairly, but just as a word of advice guys if you're going to the pool in your mid-to-late 20's please remember that you are not on spring break and you are not on mtv's "the grind," despite what you may think.

text messages: convenience or cop-out?

i'm all for technology and modern conveniences, but sometimes i wonder if we lose a lot of personal contact and responsibility. was it really so terrible to actually have to call someone when you wanted to talk to them or hang out with them? now we choose which text messages we want to respond to and when. and let's face it guys, you didn't "not get" our text message, so have the decency to respond. responding to a text message is not making a commitment, it is simply being polite!

text messages are great when you're in a loud place, or somewhere where you can't talk, or when you need to relay a quick message. but as a go-to form of communication, especially within a potential relationship, i say it's a cop out. if you are interested in someone, show it! pick up the phone and CALL them. it really doesn't take that much longer, in fact you press less buttons... really... give it a try.

and don't even get me started on "booty-texts." i don't care how many drinks you've had or what dirty thing you want to do to me, if you send it in a text message, i will call you out on it... and i will not be coming over to find out!! so have a fun night of typing text messages, because that is the only action you will be getting that night.

becoming wonderwoman

why is it that men have all the power? or better yet, why do we let them have all the power. i'm in favor of starting a new movement. let's call it the "wonderwoman movement." the basis is that women regain all the power, because let's be honest we have it and we don't use it!

if a guy likes you and you don't call him for a few days some would say that you are "playing games." but if he doesn't call you, we stress about why that is and what he is doing, when indeed he's probably sitting on his couch trying not to call you. if you are "hooking up" with a guy and he doesn't call you one night, you think maybe he has met someone else, and yet i garuntee if you call him, he will come running. on the other hand, if a guy is giving you the run around about a commitment and you end things with him, if he really likes you, he will come crawling after you.

of course it is scary to know in all of these situations that if we walk away, the guy may not coming running after us. but isn't that the point? don't we want to be with the guy who cares enough about us to come running after us and do whatever it takes to be with us? because it's not about having power over him, as much as it is about having power over our own lives, and the power to choose our happiness.

we have become so afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing that we give men the power. so instead, let's be ourselves, ask for what we want upfront, and show men that they are the ones that have to answer to us! that our lives are great without them. that we have career goals, great friends, and know how to have fun, and we are just looking for someone that can fit into our already wonderful existence, not the other way around!

"he's just not that into you"

"girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up...if a guy punches you, he likes you. never try to trim your own bangs. and someday, you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we were ever told, implores us to wait for it. the third act twist. the unexpected declaration of love. the "rule." but sometimes, we're so focused on finding our happy ending, we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us, from the ones who don't. how to tell the ones that will stay from the ones who will leave. and maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful guy. maybe it's you, on your own. picking up the pieces and starting over. preparing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just... moving on.

or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing that through all the un-returned phone calls and broken hearts. through all the blunders and misread signals. through all of the pain and embarrassment. you never, ever, gave up hope."
-"he's just not that into you" the movie

well let me start off by saying that if you haven't seen this movie, you really need to! every guy and girl should see it because it is all just so true! it addresses issues of dating and relationship that everyone can relate to on some level.

it's funny though how it rings so true, and yet we have such a hard time admitting it. admitting that we, as both men and women, do crazy things when we are interested in someone. and why are we so afraid to tell our friends when they are acting delusional, or even just plain crazy. to say "hey friend, i know he seems like a great guy, but the truth is, if he is treating you that way, then he's just not that into you." i often struggle with this myself, but i think that honesty is truly the best policy. honesty with your friends, and honesty with yourself. because guys can lie all they want and you can choose to believe the lies, but at the end of the day if you are honest with yourself (and your friends) you can avoid a lot of heartbreak in the future.

so girls, as much as it may suck to admit... if he's not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, then HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU and it's time to move on!!

the dallas d-bag

the term "dallas douchebag" is one that i hear used more and more frequently in casual conversation. while this term sounds extremely inappropriate and derogatory, it definitely defines a certain "group" of guys in dallas. when i think of one, i picture a spray tan, a graphic t-shirt, and a cocky attitude that is completely misplaced and wasted on that particular guy. these guys think that women love them (and why shouldn't they?!). they are not all friends, but they all have the same mentality... or seemingly so.


here is a picture of my friend dressed up as such a character for halloween... and might i comment that when people dress up as a stereotype it must be pretty prevalent and well-known... not a good sign.

to my disappointment however, i think the term has become too defined by a stereotypical "look." unfortunatley, the term could be applied to quite a few men in dallas, even some of those that i consider to be good friends of mine. i think the actual term is defined by nearly every guy in dallas that is a)perpetually single, b)overly confident of both his looks and personality, c)thinks that a one night stand is more desirable than a relationship- long after college, and d)thinks the woman of his dreams will magically fall into his lap when he turns 30 and decides he is ready to settle down.

beware girls, because these guys are often hard to spot at first. they may wear a polo, a button-down, or whatever else it is that you find attractive. they may wine and dine you and make promises of great things to come and tell lies that make you feel as if you were special. after a few weeks you start believing that maybe you could be the one to turn this guy around. that he must not have met the right one, until now.

fast forward a few months and he's had his "fun" and suddenly becomes distant and makes up excuses about reasons not to hang out with you. often blaming his "single guy friends" and how they want to have "guys' night" every night. that's when you know he's really a dallas d-bag in disguise because what he is really saying is "i got what i wanted, i don't want to settle down, but i'd love it if you would stay around on the side while i see what else is out there..."

the term "have your cake and eat it too" is given a whole new meaning by these so-called "men." sadly, i have found much more of this type of man then any other in dallas post-college. so please, if you can tell me where to meet men who don't fall into this group, then i would LOVE to know where that is!!

"i'm looking for a unicorn"

so, like practically every girl in america (or so it seems) i am addicted to the bachelor and the bachelorette. it makes me nervous and embarrassed to watch people make such fools of themselves and get so upset about someone that they have known for a few days or weeks... and yet i find myself rooting for my favorites and tuning in every week!

i have a conversation with my friends all the time about the differences between men and women. men compartmentalize every part of their life. they all seem to want to be financially secure before they settle down, so their career takes first priority, especially in their 20s. while i completely understand the idea behind it, i find it extremely frustrating. women manage to have successful careers and friendships and find themselves often looking for the "missing piece" of a good relationship. men see each part of their life: work, friends, sex, relationships, working out... as completely different entities and it baffles me how those two completley different lifestyles are supposed to eventually magically align.

the episode tonight also made me question the idea of expectations. i'm not saying that women don't set high, or even unrealistic expectations, but i feel like men are much more likely to expect perfection of their potential mate. if only women could learn to all adapt to the mentality that "i'm looking for a perfect mythical unicorn and i will only settle for just that." i think a person can have every quality that you look for, and yet not be the person for you if you don't have that "connection." however, i don't think you can discover that without getting to know someone in a way that goes much beyond physical appearances and first impressions. just some food for thought.

single in the city

so, as i sit here watching sex and the city: the movie for the hundredth time, i got to thinking. why is there such a pressure to find someone and fall in love and settle down? my life is amazing. i have a wonderful family, i'm pursuing a career that i love, and my friends are phenomenal! after another amazing weekend of partying with some of my favorite people i started realizing that i really couldn't ask for anything more! so here's a toast... to living my life like the happy single girl that i am and enjoying every single minute of it!